What are you reaching for to feel a little less, and what might you hear if you set it down?
Every day, women find SHE RECOVERS® by asking themselves the same question: Do I have a problem with this? In this conversation, SHE RECOVERS Foundation co-founder Taryn Strong sits down with Cecily Mak, author of Undimmed, to explore that question and more.
Cecily calls the things we reach for to soften discomfort dimmers. Some are obvious, like alcohol, cannabis, shopping, or gambling. Others are more subtle, like perfectionism, people-pleasing, toxic generosity, and overwork. As Cecily puts it, removing one dimmer isn’t the whole story. Until we face what we are trying not to feel, there will always be something else to reach for.
Cecily shares how her mother’s suffering shaped her own path. Cecily chose a 30-day alcohol-free challenge on her own terms, without a rock bottom or a diagnosis. Nine years later, she reflects on self-grace, on finding compassion for her mother long after losing her, and on breaking the family chain for her sons.
She also opens up about a breast cancer diagnosis that arrived six days after she left her Silicon Valley executive role, and her surprising first thought: now she could rest. That moment led her to the dimmer she’s exploring next: busyness and productivity — and the shift from “listen to yourself” to “honor yourself.”
Key takeaways:
- It’s not about the thing. A dimmer is anything we use to feel less, and removing one often reveals another. Lasting change comes from facing what’s underneath.
- You choose your language. Cecily found freedom by stepping away from loaded labels and approaching her alcohol-free life with curiosity and choice. There’s no single right way.
- Agency isn’t the same as easy. Self-grace matters when we slip, struggle, or fall short. Try putting a hand on your heart and saying the words: “How human of me.”
- Ask what happened, not what’s wrong. A trauma-informed lens helped Cecily find compassion for her mother and helped her release intergenerational shame.
- Busyness can be a dimmer too. Many alcohol-free women are just as depleted by overwork and caretaking. Rest is part of recovery.
- Create space to hear your inner voice. Take a walk without a podcast, sit with music without lyrics, or talk it through with a trusted friend.
