[Guest blog by SMART Facilitator Rick Kuplinski]
A previous essay in this series focused on the SMART Recovery Cost-Benefit Analysis (CBA) tool with the emphasis on disputing “benefits,” a.k.a. the reasons behind our addictive behaviors. The focus here again is on the CBA tool, this time with the emphasis on the top right quadrant of the worksheet, “costs of drinking, using, or doing.” Like we did with the “benefits” quadrant, we will take a deep dive into maximizing the impact of working this aspect of the CBA tool.
My observation as a SMART Recovery facilitator is that most people, even those new to the CBA tool, can easily identify a list of the costs of their addictive behavior. That’s because the downside of what they do is weighing on their minds and are often the very things that led them to the meeting in the first place. These are typically the consequences of addiction on their health, relationships, employment, legal status, and finances, among others.
When identifying costs, people new to the CBA tend to use shorthand descriptions that describe them adequately enough to convey the general sense of their situations. This is especially true when completing a CBA for the very first time. But in our meetings, we encourage people to maximize the impact of the costs quadrant by revising their initial thoughts to truly see the complete price we pay for our addictions. The questions we encourage them to ask are as follows:
Are we being specific enough about those costs? After making an initial list of costs on the CBA, we suggest looking at each item and asking, “What does this really mean? How might I better understand the true impact or consequence of this cost?” I will use two items from my CBA as examples.
The first is a little difficult to share, but I will. The first draft of my CBA contained the item “strained relationships.” But I really only meant one “relationship”—singular not plural—because it was about just one person: my wife. With that clarified, I asked myself what I really meant by “strained?” Well, to be specific it meant that I lied and cheated so much about my alcohol use that it made it hard for her to trust me about anything. There. As difficult as it was to confront, that was the true impact of this cost, which had a stronger effect on my motivation than what I started with.
Here’s another: I started with writing a simple $ sign as a cost, which represented the general amount of money I was spending on alcohol. But a quick trip to the website of my favorite liquor store chain revealed the total loyalty points I accumulated there (as in one loyalty point = one dollar spent). Yikes. I am too embarrassed to share the amount of money I spent on booze at just this one supplier. But I am proud of how confronting this more specifically strengthened my resolve to change.
What about the potential costs; the bill that might be coming soon? Then there are things we might not consider costs because we have not experienced them . . . yet. So we should use space on our CBAs to record the warning signs of costs yet to come, for example mounting financial troubles, worsening health conditions, calling in sick to work (again), just narrowly avoiding a DUI checkpoint while driving intoxicated, picking up on signals that someone important to us has just about had it with our behavior, and so on. A general rule: If we are experiencing something related to our addictive behavior that gives us concern, then we should consider it as a cost to be recorded on the CBA and factored into our decision-making about our recovery goals.
Is this a complete accounting? After writing a first draft of the CBA, we encourage people to take some time to reflect on what still might be missing. Often what’s missing falls into the category of “lost opportunity costs,” which is defined as the potential benefits someone misses out on when choosing one alternative over another. It is the “cost of not doing” something. Let’s use myself again as an example: In my former employment I traveled throughout the United States and abroad. This presented me with incredible chances to see new places, meet new people, and experience new things. Yet in too many places I traveled I became familiar only with liquor stores and the four walls of my hotel room. How about you? Does reflecting on your own lost opportunities make your CBA more impactful? A goal unfulfilled? A project unfinished? Something about your personal potential that has not been realized mostly due to addiction?
What has been the cost to our values; the things we consider most important in our lives? After completing the costs quadrant of the CBA, we encourage people to step back and reflect on the overall consequences of our addiction on the ways we strive to live our lives in general (having already completed the Define Your Values tool, a.k.a. Hierarchy of Values is helpful when doing this). For example, we might say we live by a standard of being trustworthy and having integrity. We might value being present for our loved ones or providing for ourselves and our families. We might think of ourselves as committed to personal growth and constant learning. But looking at the costs recorded in our CBA, we have to ask ourselves: “Is this how I live by my values? Is what I consider important truly reflected in the way I am living? How has addiction compromised, interfered with, or sabotaged who I want to be?”
Truly confronting the complete price we pay for addiction is not a pleasant task. But the goal here is not to become overwhelmed with feelings of regret, guilt, or shame (see my essay “Letting Go of Regret” for thoughts on dealing with those feelings). Instead, the goal here is to build and maintain our motivation to change by seeing for ourselves the complete picture of the long term costs, as compared to the short term benefits. When we understand the true costs, we can become more resolved to stop running up the tab.
